How To Pick-up Girls -- Or Why Chicks Dig Romantics

One of the great misconceptions concerning Romanticism, particularly among men, is that it is largely feminine in nature. Who can blame them? There is an entire section of bookstore fiction called "Romance" and an entire genre of film called romantic-comedy. Its all chick lit and chick flicks. Real men play sports and watch action films filled with wanton destruction and read Tom Clancy books.

The first step in tearing this misconception apart is a quick peek into the male psyche. Man is the producer; he is the hunter; he is the creature of action and material creation. The superior physical strength of the man allows him success and through competition with other men the stronger and more courageous men flourish.

It starts on the playground where the young lions develop their skills, and these testosterone fuelled wild boys find their place in the male hierarchy pretty early on. The aggressive, loud, and outspoken boys get the attention and increased social status which perpetuates itself as they get older. Success breeds success. The shy boys get sidelined which means less social experience, which means underdeveloped social skills, less social courage, and lower social status. When challenged by other boys they crumble, which means know your place or get put in your place. And who do the high status girl's fancy? Is it the nice, shy boy or the high status male?

Now unless you live in a retarded society, men generally grow-out of the physically oriented hierarchy. In modern civilization you don't pick fights in the office and meet co-workers in the parking structure after work. However, make no mistake, the hierarchy is still there. The competition is still there. You witness the male competitive nature in all areas of life, from business, to academia, to the arts. The winners and losers are still there. The man of courage, competence, and skill still rises to the top.

Henry David Thoreau wrote in Walden Pond, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Nothing has really changed in the last 160 years, because most men want security and safety, especially if they have dependents. This means finding a job and keeping it for as long as possible. This means finding a place in the workplace hierarchy. This means having a routine incorporating work, family/social life, and leisure time and most of all maintaining that stasis. He pays homage to his innate masculine drives through his entertainment, the sympathetic viewing of sports and action movies, while he himself does nothing aside from the requirements for sustaining stasis.

Romanticism is a value driven lifestyle. This begins with the recognition of free will and the subsequent need to create and exchange values. This is the Romantic virtue of enterprise. The creation of values requires strength, courage, imagination, skill, determination, will power, self-belief, and passion. In the hero's journey from stasis, through chaos, and finally resting in a new stasis, it is in the state of chaos where true creation takes place.

One of my earliest memories involves me and the boy down the street playing when suddenly he kicked me. I was baffled. Why was he doing this to me? As I walked away, he followed after and kept kicking me. I wondered what I had done wrong as I guarded my bum with my hand and walked to the safety of my babysitter's house next door to his. This was chaos and I did not like it.

I know now that we were playing the social hierarchy game and I lost. I did not loose because I was "hurt". I lost because I did not want to play. One measure of strength among men is the ability to take abuse and still stand firm without retreating either physically by running away or mentally by going to that "safe place". Taking it like a man so to speak.

Whether you are creating a work of art, a machine, a company, or just making money work is involved, and that work is a movement through chaos: the mental chaos of intellectual creation, or the physical chaos of manual labour, or the tactical chaos of leadership. The mark of a man is his ability to produce/create values. The most successful of these men are the high-status males who have proven their worth. Those who avoid creation or only create what they need to maintain stasis are the lower status males dependent upon the production of the higher status males.

Women love men. The first criteria a straight woman has for a potential mate is that he is a man. From there we can say that she wants a quality man, in other words, she is attracted to the attributes associated with the high status men. These are the same qualities associated with the Romantic – strength, courage, imagination, skill, determination, will power, self-belief, and passion.

Romanticism is seen as feminine because the audience is largely female, however the subject of their attention are men of action. Therefore Romanticism itself is not feminine, but masculine. The Romantic man does not lead a life of quiet desperation. He is larger than life. Women find this very attractive.

This past month I have been catching-up on the final series of David Tennant's adventures as the Tenth Doctor in the Dr. Who series. I know many women who find the character attractive, but let's look at David Tennant. He is small, skinny, very pale, and has rather pointy features. He is not a conventionally good-looking man. Not ugly of course, but certain not a "hunk".

However, the character of The Doctor is very attractive to women because he incorporates all seven of the Romantic virtues. He is wise, proud, passionate, enterprising, magnanimous, chivalrous, and gallant. Specifically, he is easy-going, witty, clever, and more than a bit cheeky. There is also a deeper and darker aspect that flares to the surface from time to time usually born of righteous indignation and the occasional crack reveals deep emotional wounds, but these wounds are never paraded to others for their sympathy. He bears his own burdens like a man. And women love the mystery of the tortured soul.

Now in terms of fiction it is often said that women like drama. This is evident in the female attention given to soap operas. It might be equally said that men like chaos, as seen in the action film. This is not any old pointless chaos, but the chaos of creation. This is chaos with a purpose, be that purpose testing themselves against other men, or nature, or themselves. Deep down every man knows that his worth is measured through conflict and the absence of conflict is the absence of life. Nothing satisfies a woman's hunger for drama more than a man who is not afraid to embrace chaos.

So here we find the woman's dilemma. The good, stable, safe bet, kind and devoted man who satisfies her need for stasis cannot giver her drama, so she goes for the bad boy asshole who embraces chaos, though not as an act of creation. Remember the play ground hierarchy born of violence? These boys grown to men found that they could get values not by creation alone, but also through force, intimidation, and fraud. Victory in these conflicts increases their status, to a point, among those in their monkeysphere, but not necessarily in the broadest social sense. They thrive in chaos, whereas the Romantic is merely passing through it.

Women often say that they look for humour in a man. If that were true then the class clowns would get the hot girls and rock stars would take a back seat to stand-up comics. The truth is that humour demonstrates confidence and makes others feel happy. It's these positive feelings coupled with a display of social courage that attracts women, but too much becomes buffoonery which gets tiresome, annoying, and smells of trying too hard. Humour is part of the initial bonding process but too much kills the sincerity of passion.

What women really want is what women have always wanted. Women want their knight in shining armour. They want a man who is chivalrous and gallant. Two necessary ingredients in the creation of value are strength and courage. As seen in the bad boy, strength alone is not good enough. The strength needs to be used ethically, a concept known as chivalry. Gallantry is an easy-going, confident form of courage often accompanied by wit, thus incorporating the woman's professed desire for humour.

Let us presume, young man, that you have all these grand Romantic virtues. How is a woman to know that you possess them and therefore be attracted to you? The first is attitude. People who have these positive Romantic habits exhibit a certain manner through their body language and social interactions. For example, the passionate man is more interested in the world outside himself, so he would rather learn about other people than carry-on about himself. The proud man is so self-confident that he has nothing to prove to anyone so he does not behave arrogant or boorish. The gallant is so fearless that he can brush off the stings and arrows of outrageous fortune with a smile and a joke.

I remember a few occasions where I saw a very attractive women and I was afraid to approach her. Afterward I had a strange feeling that I could not put my finger on. Later I realised that I was feeling guilt. Why? Because I had sinned. I failed to act gallantly and thus lost a potential opportunity out of fear of failure. Such habitual behaviour leads to a life of quiet desperation. 

The second way that the Romantic publicises his attributes is through consequential possessions. If you have the virtues necessary to create and trade values, then it stands to reason that you have values. Women who look at a man's watch, shoes, or car are painted as being shallow and materialistic, but they are looking for signs of value-creation. 

Men believe that if they have these things then they will get the girl. No. These objects are merely symbols of the consequences of successful living. Anyone can wear a cross and not be a Christian. Likewise anyone can possess these things through trade, fortune, hook, or crook and yet not possess the whole package of Romantic virtues that women really want in a man.

One more thing about women. Generally speaking women are more social then men. They tend to move in herds, even to go to the toilet. Two girls may claim to hate each other and yet still herd-up. Social convention and status is much more important to women than to men. Even in the alternative scene which is supposedly counter to mainstream convention, girls will either choose the highest status men in that group (usually the guy most like the celebrity that they fancy) or they will go completely outside the scene for a man who may not be alternative, but is more socially acceptable in the broadest sense. This is my explanation for partnerships involving women who dress very romantically but choose men who are dressed quite ordinary.

As women mature social dictates rule their choices less and less until eventually they become like those old women who refuse to pluck those pesky two inch grey hairs sprouting from their faces. Yet even then their social orientation remains, albeit to a lesser degree from when they were teens.

This female social orientation may prove detrimental to the Romantic. As this rugged individualist charts his own life course the journey may take him into the wilderness. The woman may respect him or even glorify him, but she may not be attracted to him because he is so outwith the mainstream programs she is running. He is basically "weird". Imagine our Romantic builds a following. Now he has social status which makes him very attractive as a leader of men.

In the film Casablanca, Elsa has a choice between Laslo and Rick. Laslo is the Romantic outcast running for his life and fighting politically against the Nazis. Rick is also a Romantic, but he has social status and power. Elsa respects her husband, but she is attracted to Rick.

Philosophy began when someone went to a very wise man and asked, "What is the best way to live?" From that moment on the philosopher became what in modern parlance we would call a self-help guru. Philosophical questions concerning the nature of reality or knowledge are incidental to the key question of how to live a happy and prosperous life.  So the philosophy of the Romantic is likewise all about self-help.

This article is not really about picking-up girls, that too is incidental. It's a sales pitch. I'm selling a philosophy.  I'm advocating the benefits of adopting the 7 Romantic Virtues of Wisdom, Pride, Passion, Magnanimity, Enterprise, Chivalry, and Gallantry. If you master these habits, then yes. Chances are that you will get the girl.